1. |
Coach
05:28
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when I got knocked out
(well I guess I got knocked out?)
you were the first one there, you held my hand
look it’s not like I’m from a broken home
(though the pieces didn’t always fit together)
I’m just saying I wasn’t gonna join the army, or anything like that you didn’t even play me that much
which meant you respected me enough not to lie to me
we all knew I wouldn’t go pro
but this team got me through college, this team helped me to grow or you did, coach
sportsmanship, work ethic, trust
it’s hard for a man to pick up in this world of fucking capital
you either run the machine or get caught in the gears
there’s no in-between, no, no in-between
but I have to back up first base
I have to move the runner
I have to hit the cutoff man
tasks and nods and pats on the back that’s what took care of me, man
so thank you coach
for shooting the shit
for agreeing with me that my roommate was being a dick
don’t think I’d ever have figured this out for myself
or, not well anyways
you know simple stuff like
how to have friends, take care of myself
and exist
gonna keep trying to find my team
gonna keep trying to build a healthy routine
I'm gonna keep trying
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2. |
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I hate both of these teams, I hate myself
spread out, spread thin, but heavy
mercury on the coach
in slow motion
is this rest or avoidance
is this stillness or running
my head’s hurting
but maybe just from watching this shit
wouldn’t mind the comet
wouldn’t mind the horsemen
wouldn’t mind the inferno
wouldn’t mind blasts of ice
I am rooting for the earthquake
full time surely, ref
I’m ready for it to end
see all my unread books avalanche
see the dirty dishes disappear through fissures in the earth
I am buried, I am fallen, trade this pain for a mortal wound
and then I wouldn't have any of this shit to do
wouldn’t mind the comet
wouldn’t mind the horsemen
wouldn’t mind the inferno
wouldn’t mind blasts of ice
I am rooting for the earthquake
fischia la fine, signore
I’m ready for it to
I don’t want to watch, not really
no I don’t want to watch, not really
but it’s on
it’s keeping me company
wouldn’t mind the inferno
wouldn’t mind the comet
no, I wouldn’t mind the horsemen
wouldn’t mind blasts of ice
I am rooting for the earthquake
per carita, signore
I’ve managed to kill the day
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3. |
Bench Bat
03:42
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big magic requires strength
strength that I don’t seem to have
this season’s been all tsunami waves
and I’m all out of fucking
rafts?
so I howl and I pray
to the space where God should live
I take pitch after pitch after pitch
I’m not listless but still hitless
to get so close, so close
and still never hear a cheer
wait for my moment
or wait to finally be quietly released
just remember how to breathe
remember to breathe
let me be of service
let me be remembered well
I work every day in a cage but you’ll probably never be able to tell
just tend to my garden
be generous with my voice and pen
I strive for compassion, yeah,
and there my control ends
It’s time to forget the fear of failure
unlearn what I learned that word to mean
no more second guessing
sit dead red yeah man
unleash your gift
unleash your gift
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4. |
a loser (again)
04:09
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heard you only sing when you’re winning,
that’s no way to fan
griping and gripping and gnashing your teeth,
what’s the point of all that
trust the process, would like to see some evidence
see how the sausage is made,
feel like attention should maybe be paid
safety in disappearance, empty neighborhoods to pluck
cast myself aside hoping for stasis,
it made me feel dirty inside
I’m holding on, but tighter
ready for tank after tank after tank
see the air ripped apart by fighters
what does it mean to win?
divide my hopes, divide my loyalties
(always loved idolatry)
I have no hopes that these new suits are kinder
even if they’ve got big plans for me
they don’t know I’m not on their team
look, goats are animals, not athletes
everything fun is a test
get in loser, we’re landing among the stars
where we can finally rest
I’m holding on, but tighter
ready for tank after tank after tank
see the air ripped apart by fighters
what does it mean to win?
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5. |
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drip blood on the hardwood
remember the filth it used to mix with
even here, rubbing shoulders with the King
remember all these fuckers bleed
gone by many titles, you know I’m proudest of my PhD
Poor, Hungry, and Desperate
oh you will learn to fear me
feed me
the ball
feed me
or you’re starving my family,
your call
I study the unwritten rules, the loopholes, I learned to dance
living in the car when I was 14 I’m not going back to that life
rather do juvie
travel ball with rich fucks who didn’t understand why I stank
but they couldn’t get me out of the paint
come on
feed me
the ball
my whole life I asked for help and I got nothing
well at least I’m tall
you know I’ve heard it said that it doesn’t matter
if you win or lose
it’s just how you play the game
well I gotta tell you friend
I’ve never seen it play out that way
no I’ve never seen it play out that
you gotta win, you gotta win
If you feed me
I will eat
oh I will eat
feed me the ball
because you know I live
off the ball
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6. |
Incidental Contact
04:16
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incidental contact, I was
playing to the whistle
when the brush of your hair-
made me pause
incidental contact, when you
first got me high
I’d never been with a girl before
suddenly, nowhere to hide
incidental contact, carefully
designed in advance
find an excuse to text you just to see your name
light up in my hands
are you sure we weren’t
meant to have met
sprinkling color into my hands in this blemished land
hold me closer than my other teammates would
your breath tastes better than it should, it should, it should
it should
it should
incidental contact between
what you said and what you did
you lit my spirit on fire
and then went right back to center mid
incidental contact when I
yeah I left the church behind
I said it made me feel dirty
and you didn’t reply
incidental contact between
living on and my memories of you
one touch is all it takes
to send me
clean through
are you sure we weren’t
meant to have met
sprinkling color into my hands in this promised land
come back to me baby, you don’t have to be good
your breath tastes better than “I should, I should, I should”
I should
oh I should
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7. |
Wins Above Replacement
04:31
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categorize me, package me for consumption
I will defy the numbers on your screen
my spirit will scream and break your machine
learning every day, or trying to,
without forgetting myself
I’m slowly learning, I have my own brand of magic
and well, if you don’t like it
your loss
progressive passes, expected batting average, completion percentage, triple doubles
unforced errors, defensive runs saved, wins above replacement
oh yeah that’s called
WAR
WAR WAR WAR
don’t me wrong, I’m not yer Da’,
I’m not mad at the modern game with all its math
but a hundred years back, we’d play for our towns
and now it’s all a fucking cash bloodbath
and we can’t even seem to have fun
I mean, do you remember having fun?
yards after catch, duels won, didja see his numbers at the combine
rotations per minute, xG/90, kilometers run, or miles if you’re limey
passes defensed, on base plus slugging, there’s probably some good ones I’m missing about cricket
maybe we should just get back to
WAR
WAR WAR WAR
WAR WAR WAR
I’m still starving for artistry, assholes and children and drug addicts
they’re scratching out poetry
keep getting biology instead of fantasy, I grew up on heartbreak and romance and
I guess they lied to me but
I mean come on
this efficiency. it’s so boring
it’s killing me
oh no
is this end,
no it’s not quite yet
we’re still alive, with our hearts and our heads
ready for a new season, or a new era
one where we win,
one where we entertain
and if you crunch the numbers. determine our value
well then
I hope I have a good
WAR
WAR WAR WAR
WAR WAR WAR
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8. |
not a loser (for a day)
03:39
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why is everything in this room grey
how’s that gonna help anyone
only two clocks
I ask about the TV
said “I’d never make it here, not being able to watch my teams”
you said they put the game on
not that you care
see you’re evolved my friend
I’m glad you’ve joined us here
would like you to stick around
but I can’t say that
I’m not sure how it would sound
not sure what I can say in general
I tried to prepare, but then all of a sudden you’re right there
and I love you so much, just want to hold you close
and tell you "you can’t leave me here alone"
so I talk about the wild card games
share my excitement
how soon I won’t be a loser, but just for a day
distract us both from this hole that we’re in
explain enough that maybe you’ll watch
I’ll be in the stands, let me know if you see me
I know you miss weed
and your brain wants to kill you
but I love that brain, It’s so nice to me
look I have no moral
and I’m sorry I talk about sports so much
they bring me joy
how can I bring you joy
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9. |
Serena F***ing Williams
04:51
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closest bar, rainy Tuesday night
have a beer (think)
have a drink (drink)
have a bite (bite)
early rounds of the U.S. Open and people are
actually paying attention
Serena fucking Williams, she’s holding serve
people don’t know the rules, but they’re invested
"have you heard she’s walking away" "oh no, not her"
oh no, not her
and for some stupid reason, I’m making metaphors
perfections to flaws, back and forth
I’m not feeling bad because I didn’t win Roland Garros
I just don’t know what I’m for
I’ve hit rock middle, my potential there it goes, there it goes,
there it goes
I was supposed to be
excellent
but I got burned out, yeah I got spent
I was supposed to
conquer in glory
but I can’t save anyone, no, not even myself
I’m sorry
not sure how to explain this new cool bad feeling
so I focus on the tacos I’m eating
Serena fucking Williams. the Queen of Queens
made the people love. made the people cry and why can’t I?
why can’t I
less of a venomous snake, more of a hermit crab
outgrow a kingdom? find a new one by the side of the road
but my own reign is short-lived and lonely
I’m a bad monk and a worse monarch
I can drink but I like to cook, I like to swear, I like to work I guess
I guess
peasants live to serve
I wasn’t supposed to worry about
fitting in
but on this cool guy planet
middle school never fucking ends
I was supposed to know
what I was good at
do you think it helps her
that she knows
do you think it helps
generally
to know
oh
is her life simpler
or still full of holes
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the amazing Lorenzo Landini New York, New York
NYC's only solo emo folk rock act. probably.
ta-da?
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